My dad Dan Shapera (http://ping.fm/x27rl) sends this joke for all to enjoy, especially you orchestrals out there.
It was the Fourth of July. The band was in their shirt sleeves and getting ready to rise for the director.
The oboist was setting up his tuner and sounding the Bb. But it was wrong, so he tried a new reed. As he put the reed into his mouth, he accidentally inhaled it and began choking.
He gestured to the director, who waved back, pointing to his watch. Some say he even said "while we're young" keeping with the time honored tradition of band directors all over the world.
The desperate oboist threw his music stand to the ground and stomped it to smithereens. The band director stormed over to give a lecture to what he thought was an outburst from yet another temperamental oboist.
But he saw the poor guy was choking and turning purple. By now the oboist was on the ground and pounding the floor of the gazebo. Some say he even tried to shove the oboe down his throat to dislodge the reed. This was never verified.
The band director ran to the drug store across the street and dialed 911. The voice came through the telephone and the director explained the situation. The 911 dispatcher reassured the director that help was on its way.
"Do you know what to do until we get there?" asked the dispatcher.
"Yes!" replied the band director. "We're going to use a muted trumpet".