9:45am: The Opening of the Gates, and the Introduction of the Principal Characters and Their Continuing Conundra. Or is that “conundrums?” The Evil Lord High Sherriff is Trumped by the Law of Topsy-Turvy!
10:00am: Front Gate Bad Joke Times!
10:30am: Proceed through the shops in Newmarket and across Traders Wharf, tell and hear jokes about fish and pirates on the Bridge, Much Ado About Muffins at the Bakery, and wake up High Street and Shoplatch Lane! Then it’s off to the Joust at Wyckham Field!
11:00am: Lord Mayor Egads Newcastle gets called LORD ARBITER at the Joust of Skill! Jane the Phoole gives out the prizes! See the war between Tiny Immobile Robot Knights and the Four Champions!
11:30am: Noodle through Farnham Way and shop in Newmarket
12:00pm: Bellow greetings in Guildhall Row and High Street!
12:15pm: Greet Newly-Arrived Sailors in Traders Wharf and Newmarket!
12:30pm: High-Tail It through Farnham Way to the Cheshire Chase Action Stage!
12:50am: Jane the Phoole and Lord Mayor Egads Newcastle Make You a STAR at the Cheshire Chase Action Stage! Have a Song, a Joke or Some Other Material Prepared!
1:00pm: THE ROYAL SPECTACLE OF FOOLES at the Cheshire Chase Action Stage -- NOT TO BE MISSED! Food Fights, Common Brawling, and Songs With Outrageous Numbers of Syllables Per Line! IT’S TOO DANGEROUS!
1:30pm: SECRET EATING!
2:00pm: I did it my way -- Farnham Way!
2:15pm: New Marketing in Newmarket! Wharf Trading in Traders’ Wharf!
2:30pm: Greetings in Guildhall Row!
2:45pm: High Times in High Street! Latching On in Shoplatch Lane!
3:00pm: Hoping everything comes out all right in St. John's Crossing!
3:15pm: Recruiting and Training New Fooles for the Fooles Parade on the Hill coming up from the Joust!
3:30pm: FOOLES’ PARADE, starring YOU! And if you're one of the 1st 10 New Fooles, You Get A Free Hat! And you can keep it! Forever! And wear it to church!
3:45pm: Saturday: Jane’s Guide to Fae Spotting in Shakespeare’s Meadow! Sunday: TEA WITH THE QUEEN AT COTSWOLD COMMONS! Will Jane behave? And how?
4:00pm: Saturday: Secret Primp Time! Sunday: TEA WITH THE QUEEN AT COTSWOLD COMMONS CONTINUES!
4:30pm: THE FOOLE'S REVENGE at the Cheshire Chase Action Stage! NOT TO BE MISSED! Hear Jane’s Musical Leitmotif not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES! Jane will be commandeered by the Evil Lord High Sherriff for Explosive Acts! Nobody light a match – and for God’s sake, Stand Upwind!
5:00pm: Jane Loves Shoplatch Lane!
5:15pm: The time is high for High Street!
5:30pm: A touching retrospective in Guildhall Row, with end credits in Farnham Way!
5:45pm: Help Jane get to the Nobles’ Glade on time! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!
6:00pm: Jane and Other Fooles heap abuse on Her Majesty’s Master-of-the-Revels-on-Progress, Sir Ferdinando Stanley, Baron Strange! Watch steam shoot out of his ears!
6:30pm: Jane hopes Local Fools, including Blarney Rubble, will join her in clearing a path for Sir Robert Carey and the Bristol Trained Bands to get to the gate! It is a Very Satisfying Thing To Do!
6:59pm: Jane the Phoole says to the Royal Brass, “Let us hytte yt and qwytte yt!”, and a Rousing Song is Sung, and Hand Gestures Accompany, and our Guests are Bid Farewell!