His Majesty Burger King

It has often been remarked by actors playing members of HM's Court that Sir Walter Raleigh looks EXACTLY like the big plastic-headed Burger King currently appearing in commercials. And it's true; he does.

So, after a weekend of great calamity involving Raleigh paying not enough attention to the Queen and paying too much attention to that baggage Mistress Elizabeth Throckmorton, whom should I chance to encounter in the High Street?

I found two patron blokes, one dressed as a cow, the other dressed as...THE BURGER KING, complete with giant plastic head.

I seized him straightaway and took him directly to Kids' Kingdom, where the Queen was holding a brief audience after knighting kids.

I posited that, since Raleigh is always off with the Throckmorton tramp, perhaps Her Grace would accept this exact replica as a substitute? They would be equivalent in every possible way, except The Burger King is of a suitable social rank to actually be wedded to the Queen, AND he won't go sailing off all over the dang place.

Her Majesty suggested I was both wise and an idiot, and decided to keep the proper Raleigh at her side, and send the Burger King off with Throckmorton and on voyages of discovery to the New World.

An audience of about 75 people witnessed the silliness, and I could NOT stop giggling for the next two hours.

A Most Surprisingly Good Weekend all around for Jane the Phoole!