9:45am: Opening of the Gates - a Brief Comic Prologue to the Topsy-Turvy Events of the Day! It's the Lord Mayor Egads Newcastle's Last Weekend at Bristol This Season! Give him laughs to buoy him on his way! Also the Sherriff is barely visible to the human eye.
10:00am: Jane the Phoole and Friends Tell the Best Jokes in the Whole World! Or so they think!
10:15am: Box Office Staff turn on the Piped-In Music, Signalling the End of Joke-Telling Times! Jane greets Salty Dogs and Others in Newmarket and Traders' Wharf!
10:30am: Jane Tells You Fishy Facts on the Bridge! Then let's wake up Guildhall Row!
10:45am: Trundle through Farnham Way and Shakespeare's Meadow to Wyckham Field!
11:00am: The International Joust of Skill and Fighting Paralyzed Robots (for real though!) at Wyckham Field! Did I mention it's Lord Mayor Egads Newcastle's final weekend in town? Get him that maypole dance at last!
11:30am: Attempt to climb the hill from the Joust up to Shakespeare's Meadow and Farnham Way! IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!
11:45am: Farnham-all-the-Way! Newmarket!
12:00pm: Jane Starts Her Day Over at the Gate!
12:15pm: Farnham Way We Roll Along! Get Jane to the Chase On Time!
12:50pm: A Touching Ten-Minute Retrospectacular of the Lives, Loves and Luncheons of Lord Mayor Egads Newcastle, featuring -- yes! Jane the Phoole!
1:00pm: ROYAL SPECTACLE OF FOOLES! NOT TO BE MISSED! At the Cheshire Chase Action Stage! YOU WILL BE COVERED IN PIE AND GOOD FEELINGS!
1:30pm: Jane has been playing very hard since 8:00 this morning, and she has not had a day off since January. Such is the life of an Extremely Glamorous World-Famous Phoole. Notwithstanding, Jane would like just HALF AN HOUR to try to remember "quiet." You will find her and interrupt her anyway, so why does she even bother? But she hopes you will indulge her. You are very exciting, and if you let her have just half an hour, she promises to FREAK YOU OUT WITH FUN the rest of the day!
2:00pm: If it's your way, it's Farnham Way!
2:15pm: Saturday - You mark it! Newmarket! Sunday - You Farnham! You brought 'im! Farnham Way!
2:30pm: Saturday - Ga-ga for Guildhall Row! Sunday - Jane Judges the Friends of Faire Fooles & Friends Costume Contest at Lord Mayor's Forum Stage!
2:45pm: Saturday - Hooray for High Street! Sunday - Costume Contest (see 2:30pm!)
3:00pm: Saturday - It's a Royal Flush in St. John's Crossing! Sunday - Costume Contest (see 2:30pm!)
3:15pm: Saturday - Shake it in Shakespeare's Meadow, North of the Enchanted Faerie Glen! Sunday - Costume Contest (see 2:30pm!)
3:30pm: YOU ARE FAMOUS AT LAST! Join the Fooles' Parade on the Hill By the Joust! First Ten New Fooles Get FREE HATS! SO FASHIONABLE! Wear yours to your next Teamsters' meeting!
3:45pm: Despite rumors and spiteful theories, Shakespeare's Meadow was actually created by William Shakespeare! The Earl of Oxenforde be danged!
4:15pm: Jane is Accosted by the Evil Lord High Sherriff's Minions, who compliment her on her Enormous False Backside and ask to View Her Farthingale! Surprised by their Sudden Change in Demeanor, Jane indulges their Whim! Surely Nothing Bad Can Come of It?
4:30pm: THE FOOLE'S REVENGE at the Cheshire Chase Action Stage! NOT TO BE MISSED! Where is the Non-Smoking Section? ANYWHERE JANE THE PHOOLE ISN'T!
5:00pm: Shopping for Latches in Shoplatch Lane -- the Official Lane of Jane the Phoole!
5:15pm: Take the Moral High Ground in High Street!
5:30pm: Like a Motley Lamprey, Jane Attaches to the Queen's Court at Kids' Kingdom!
6:00pm: View Jane the Phoole in her Natural Habitat at the Queen's Foot in the Nobles' Glade! Doesn't the dress make more sense now?
6:30pm: The Most Leisurely Parade Ever from the Nobles' Glade to the Front Gate! OR Commandeering the Trained Bands for Necessary Phoole-ish Manoeuvers!
6:59pm: Jane's With the Band Over the Front Gate! Last week she tipped the Royal Brass ten shillings to play the "Silly Walks Song" from The Fooles' Revenge again! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? Be There! And Then Be...Elsewhere! Come Play with Jane Again!